Past, Present and Future

I stand in my bathroom turning off the sink and my beautiful three stoned wedding ring catches my eye. I remembered someone telling me the meaning behind the three stones, past, present and future. I immediately think back to when I met my husband. We were twenty two years old, babies and met while working together at a restaurant. I was a young, shy waitress who found this line cook to be the cutest thing ever. We went out for drinks one night with work friends and ended up talking for a long time. That Margaritas parking lot was where our love story would begin.

First dates are always nerve racking, will he kiss me, how much food do I eat, do I make eye contact with him. There he was in my driveway in his white Camry picking me up to go to lunch. I had tried on about a closets worth of clothes for that first date and was so nervous but yet excited. After lunch we took a walk where he politely asked to hold my hand and for some reason I knew I would end up marrying him. I was not sure if it was his charm, goofiness or the fact that I just felt that and when you know you know right?

“Mommy, mommy can I have a snack? “My mind snaps back to the present where my son is asking me for a snack.

Presently my husband and I have two kids a six year old and almost three year old, we both have full times jobs and have been married for almost seven years. Quarantine has not been easy for everyone and that includes my husband and myself. My husband owns a restaurant and that takes a lot of time away, me having been in the restaurant industry prior I knew this was expected but did not know how hard it would be with a family. I have heard people say quarantine will either break your relationship or grow it and that is still to be determined for us.

My husband and I have gone through many conversations over the last few months of expectations, realities and what is needed from one another. About two months ago I had to ask my husband to go stay elsewhere, many things had been leading up to that point and I was at my limit. Like I said quarantine has not been easy on us. The last two weeks I have found out more about my relationship/partner than I ever knew in almost eleven years together and I have to admit it has turned my world upside down. Working a full time job, having two kids, a marriage that I do not know the future of has definitely caused me to feel things I was not expecting to ever feel.

I think back to dating my husband, how much fun we had, the adventures we took, the times we spent together and no where did I see our future being called into question. I looked to the future saw kids, a house one day, great jobs, enjoying time with my best friend. I thought marriage would be difficult of course but I thought I would have a best friend, partner in crime to help go through the ups and downs. Somewhere along the way my husband became a stranger and not the best friend I thought he would be, he had checked out.

I admit growing up I had a very specific way of how married couples would be. I had great examples around me that showed me what my future should hold. We would agree on finances, have the same values, parent our children the same, want to spend all the time together. I realize now I was naive and expected our relationship to be perfect and thought it would be easier than it has been.

I looked back down at my ring still sparkling, shining and I wished so badly that was me right now, a flawless diamond with a bright future. I couldn’t help but remember the three parts of the ring, I know my past, I am working on my present but what does my future hold?

Blogs can be anything someone wants it to be, for me I always wanted to have a hobby as well as wanting to help someone who goes through the same struggles. I could share with you how I handled the pandemic with kids, how much they ate, how much electronics we allowed them to have but that would be everyone out there. I am here to be raw, vulnerable, honest and share my world with you which terrifies me because I too am human and do not want to be judged. This will not be easy for me or those around me but I want to share it with you to possibly help someone else going through a tough time as well as guide me into what my future will be.

XOXO Shannon